His finger at my breast - Instablogs
His finger at my breast
Shivangi Singh , New Delhi: Mar 16 2009
Made Popular Mar 17 2009
India :

His finger at my breast

Even as I write this blog, there are at least hundred of thoughts crossing my mind. Is it something that shouldn’t come out in the open sphere? Is it too personal? I guess what i m going to write here is all this, perhaps even more and yet i want to share it...

Today was just like any other day in the office except that too many complements came my way for what I had wore: a satin shirt and jeans. I took some complements in the right spirit and a few others were not meant to be taken in that way owing to their nature. While coming back home I was a bit upset for I had an argument with a senior. But yea it was all normal, part of life, usual stuff as I call it.

Traveling in bus has never been a problem with me. Bus ride is something I am used to right from school days. It was around 8pm at the LaxmI Nagar bus stop. I was waiting to catch a bus. I saw Bus no.469 coming and I knew I wanted to catch this one. I was waiting for a few passengers to get down from the bus but when I saw no one coming out I decided to get Into It.

The sight was familiar, a bunch of guys standing right at the bus gate, what was however unusual was the fact that as soon as I was in, those guys started “aree madam hame utarne nahI de rahi”. A mob of 5-6 guys they were rushing to get down from the bus. I was horrified to see a finger right at my breast, before I could have realized what was happening to me I was in a defensive mode.

I guess, I had got it by then, It was a case of molestation In plain and simple words. The guy wasn’t satisfied with what he had done to me, before getting down he pinched my butt. How did I feel? To say the least, it was disgusting, a horrible experience. How much time did I spend thinking about It? I know It will be with me forever, It Is not something I will treasure, It is something I will remember. It will remind me of a lot of things lIke all the futile debate over Man Woman equalIty, 60 long years of Independence, blah blah...

Truly speaking I don’t feel bad about It, while narrating this Incident to my sisters I was laughing. Laugh, was It the suitable expression? For me it was. I could not have done anything to stop It. Yea yea I could have tried to catch the bastard. The problem with me is that I don’t think molestation has that simple an answer. What one needs is an attitudinal shift In the society to prevent such Incidents.

Some Crucial statistics I need here to make my point clear:
There has been a phenomenal eight-fold Increase In the number of rapes committed In India since 1971, the year from which data for rape cases has been collected by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB).

Now how I feel? Am I lucky for I was only molested and not raped? The language I have used is quite casual I believe but you cannot blame me, If someone has to be blamed It has to be the casual approach we have towards crime against women.

It was temporary sense of disbelief I felt when it happened to me but in my heart I know I don’t expect anything other than this from a few male chauvinist pigs.

The Incident hasn’t made me any less of a woman, such Incidents notwithstanding ,I love being a woman and will continue doing so for the rest of my life.

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2 Stars
Usha
Chennai, India
This menace is prevelant since times immemorial. It is the act of perverts a lot has been said and discussed about this. But nothing stops this from happening. Such people get courage from the fact that the woman will not raise a hue and cry. Even if she does, they put up an innocent face and enquire - ’Sister!!!!, Kya hua’. Well knowing that the woman will never be able to describe it in public.
1 Stars
There should be no such incidents.
2 Stars
Arjun
NCR, India
Shameful act, which is becoming so regular that one is not even shocked by hearing such news, just plain disgusted.

It is really brave of you that you said this so objectively. Otherwise, women just don’t report such instances giving more motivation to the criminals to keep on continuing with such crimes.
1 Stars
Garima
Nagpur, India
This is the reason why i could not travel by bus in delhi even once. i was ready to pay ten times more for an auto rather than facing such a situation.

but then, this is not the solution to the problem. i was lucky enough to escape but all the girls are not. will men ever change????
1 Stars
Please do not take it otherwise. But I do not agree that you should spend ten times more to avoid such situations. This is but a temporary solution. And not only in Delhi but everywhere, women suffer in silence, afraid of society.

Men will change.. Not all are same too. AND MEN WILL CHANGE ONLY IF YOU AND THE ENTIRE WOMENHOOD CHANGES. Instead of sulking, WHY DONT YOU HIT BACK? Why DO YOU CARE FOR THE SOCIETY? WHY DO YOU COMPENSATE ON YOUR FREEDOM FOR THE SAKE OF SOME STUPID SOCIETY THAT HAS NO BASE AT ALL?

TRUST ME, SUCH PEOPLE WILL CHANGE ONLY AND ONLY IF YOU PEOPLE CHANGE... STOP SUFFERING n SULKING.... HIT BACK.. HIT BACK THEN N THERE...

Nobody can blame you if you are not wrong. I HAVE BEEN PROTESTING AND TRYING TO EDUCATE WOMEN TO UPLIFT THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR A MIRACLE...

>
1 Stars
Sanwali
Shimla, India
This is the reason why i say that it will take another century for women to achieve the respect and equality in the society that they deserve.

How can such creatures face their moms back home?
1 Stars
Shweta
Shimla, India
I think girls should possess licensed guns with them all the time. Shoot the pig moment he touches the girl. Then they’ll learn how to behave.
0 Stars
Well said.

This is what I am trying to convey for the past many years. HIT THEM, HIT THEM THERE AND THEN.

HIT THEM SO HARD THAT THEY DO NOT GET THE COURAGE TO TOUCH ANOTHER GIRL.

Its all in the lady’s hand to respect herself. Why feel weak and helpless? THERE IS NO GOVT AS SUCH. POLICE IS FOR NAMESAKE. UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES, IT IS ONLY THE GIRL UNDER QUESTION WHO HAS TO TAKE THE INTITATIVE, NOT ONLY FOR SELF BUT THE WHOLE WOMENHOOD.


Best Regards,
Arun Kumar M.

DreamSkape India ®
”It is all about our DreamZ”
http://dreams-central.com
Mail: support@dreams-central.com; dreamskape.india@gmail.com
****
#Signed: Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 8:04:36 AM IST
1 Stars
Prabhunarayan
Pondicherry, India
Abhorred, disgusting, shameful, inhuman...what should I call it I know not...even I am falling short of words to express my disgust. I wonder how these molesters forget to think their Moms and sisters in the same situation...how will they feel? shameful....
1 Stars
Kalpana Tripathi
Mumbai, Allahabad, India
This is really shameful. But such incidents but occur daily, you told what had happened with you, lot of others shut their mouth as dont have guts to reveal anything wrong happened with them. Be couregous to fight with such incidents thatswhat we should i can say.
1 Stars
Vikas Shekhawat instablogs.com
Churu, Rajasthan, India
Real Disgrace! Girls should project themselves as more confident to avoid such incidents. Buses should be equipped with CCTV cameras - victims can immediately report about the incident and the recording can help nab the culprits. Buses and public places should have ”Helpline” phone numbers painted on walls or other suitable places in order to help and persuade girls take the action then and there. Cameras and other such measures would certainly act as suitable deterrents. Everybody should join hands, come forward to ACT. This is one thing we lack and need to work on.
3 Stars
Shivangi, it was really brave of you to come forward and share the incident. That’s the kind of confidence all the girls should project even on the roads and buses/trains.

and for the offenders, remember that your sister/mother might be traveling in the same bus one day and you know there are thousands like you traveling along side them.
1 Stars
Vijay
Kota, India
Shivangi,such incidents are on increase in and around Delhi and the worst thing is that the fellow travelers and others never comes forward for help.
Such incidents are happening in Mumbai also,which earlier was comparably a safe city for the women.
A nationwide campaign is needed to stop such incidents.
1 Stars
The problem is not only with those perverts who actually go about committing this sort of disgusting activities. It is additionally the fault of all of us, especially those who come forward here and say that this is an incident to be condemned and how bad the situation is.

The people should not just keep a look out for themselves, if all the people have a general look out, then these bastards would not even dare to use their hands as much as they’d like to.

Even if it is someone that you don’t know, all you need to do is shout out to the pervert. The realisation that people are watching is a very big deterrant. I’m sure such incidents would reduce if people start acting more bravely.
1 Stars
Absolutely right. Even then these ladies think too far before reacting. I do not understand why they take so long to react. In most of the cases they just suffer in silence. WHY? WHOM ARE THEY AFRAID OF? NOT ALL MEN ARE SAME..

This is not hatred or downplaying women. But I have been asking women in modern India to HIT BACK, THEN AND THERE... Whenever they feel that they have been downplayed. BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT STOPS THEM, MAKES THEM THINK ABOUT CONSEQUENCES...

You and me cannot solve this problem until and unless the ladies who suffered any kind of gender bias or molestation come forward. I am tired of repeatting the same thing again and again... HIT BACK W/O THINKING IF YOU ARE NOT WRONG... Nobody can go against you if you are right... BUT STILL????
0 Stars
This is one of my prime concerns. Why are women considered inferior and objects of desire? They are humans too. The only way I suggest to everyone is that DO NOT SUFFER IN ALONE. FITE BACK..

Fight back the moment you are downplayed. Molestation, you say. I appreciate your courage to write it down. But why did you not drag him by his hair into the bus and kicked his ass then and there?

Nobody would have gone against you. It feels very depressing that Indian women, once at highly praiseworthy level have bought down to this low.

And the sole reason is that they opt to suffer owing to their false prestige (forgive me for the rude words). But if you had acted there and then, you would have been tension free for the rest of your day. I wrote several peices, passed it round and round, but could not get even one lady changed. WHY SHUD U SUFFER? IS THE PLANET NOT FOR YOU TOO? ARE THE FACILITIES NOT FOR YOU EQUALLY?

For the sake of ladies that made history, I ask all women to stop thinking ”what will happen if they react”. At most they will be questioned... If you are right, you have the answers.. Then why are you afraid, and of whom.

KICK BACK .... FIGHT BACK for any kind of partiality shown, not only for molestation and rapes, but for anything that makes you thing that you were subject of partiality.

I Do Not Know How to Explain.. But FIGHTING BACK IS THE ONLY WAY TO SNATCH THE RESPECT YOU COMMANDED IN THE INDIAN HISTORY...

This is really dis-heartening... How long will you suffer? If you (women) are waiting for any messiah to come for upliftment of women, forget it.. Nobody has that much time these days... IT IS YOU WHO HAVE TO ACT.. WITHOUT MUCH PONDERING WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEING DONE IS WRONG...


Sincerely,
Arun Kumar M.

DreamSkape India ®
”It is all about our DreamZ”
http://dreams-central.com
Mail: support@dreams-central.com; dreamskape.india@gmail.com
****
#Signed: Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 4:00:53 AM IST
1 Stars
Shivangi,you are a bold girl. Above all you have correctly used your presence of mind,not creating a scene as to further instigate the miscreants that might have perilous to life.
The best thing you have done is that you have exposed the whole event in writing,giving details inculding the bus number etc. Perhaps this could lead the authorities to note and make the areas under proper surveil-
lance.
What best I feel,being a freelance journalist,you should become a member in journalist club,union or association, with the presentation of your papers. You will avail an identity card with your photo attested. You can tag it always at you neck in a crowded place indicating you are V.I.P. Under the norms of the Journalist,you are also protected the by Journalists’ Union Crisis Management Cell. You may interview any V.I.P with this identity card or take help with any department.

Many girls and women experience the similar orgies similar to one what you have experienced. Nevertheless,they never expose to proper authorities but maintain silence out of modesty.
In Chennai Plain Clothed Lady Slueths are deployed in every vulnarable place,feigning college or school goers.
This is high time the Capital of India lacks such policing.

Be bold Shivangi,the weaker sex is aways vied and cast with vicious look.
Some time milder body language will lead the miscreants for bad attempts. A sterner body language without any verbal dual some time helps.
Perhaps you must be undergoing mental trauma. Please relax. Time is the best curer.
0 Stars
Hi Shafee, I agree with your point that there should be some protection gear for women who are into areas that may create problems. But I strongly oppose the line you used: ”Be bold Shivangi,the weaker sex is aways vied and cast with vicious look”. Throughout the Indian history, women have shown exceptional courage.. In many cases, more courage than men. Hence I do not think that terming the female gender as ”weaker sex” is proper. Another term they use to address women, the ”fairer sex” goes fine but calling them weak is something I cannot digest, or rather I don’t want to digest. They have the courage, they have strength. All they need is to react properly employing those characteristics. Once, the miscreants get the signal that ”fairer sex” is not ”weaker sex”, they will not dare create any kind of problem again with any other women. There may be some exceptional cases where the miscreants may get excited over the reaction. But would not be it good to somehow reach a crowded place and then handle the situation the way it should be? - Sincerely, Arun Kumar M. (Operations) Ph: +91 40 422 16 770 (O) +91 99 598 40 780 (M) mono300.jpg Website: http://dreams-central.com This mail carries the following File Attachments: > From: Shafee Ahmed.Ko [mailto:
1 Stars
Dear Mr.Arun Kumar, Thank you very much for such a wonderful comment on ”’weaker sex”.Of course,they are bold, not to the extent of facing adverse confrontationists; unless trained as women cops. I agree with, in a metropolis where nothing goes smooth,girls may be trained to this extent. But untrained girls, given at challengeable circumstances,become panic and succumb to male chaunists. We may cite on Kalpana Chawla,Sunita Williams, and other renowned athletes like Sanya Mirza and other Olympic athletes. Nonetheless,put into lone and unprotected circumstances, if a dozen hooligans surround a single soul,female or male, the condition is critical. This is what I meant. However,I shall correct ”weaker sex” but I could not write them as ”stronger sex”. Please keep me mailed regularly With best regards Shafee
1 Stars
Arvind Yadav iimcalarvind.blogspo..
Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates
well said, what ever you faced really it was disgusting but we have to get up now what is the role of the police. to collect the money from ricksaw and shopkeeper or they are on the road to assure the safety of the people.

Really it can be stop once the police and public will be aware. really in most of the places even a person is traveling he may face probelm becouse of the over aggrressiveness.
some time Bus driver and conductor are behaing in the same way. why not government are issueing the licence to the Conductor and Bus driver on the basis of the there work.

some time we used to observe the same thing some of the girl when they are catching the bus that time they try to over smart and over intract with bus driver and conductor it creates the bad image of the m,ost of the girl.

there are alot of things which we have to change and try to self defencive rather than depend on other...
0 Stars
What you say is true that there only a handful of women whose names can be counted on hands. But cant we make it universal for them. Just as they make physical training important in schools, why cannot they implement self-defense in schools and colleges. These people can in turn go to the rural areas and train the ladies there. Maybe I am not very sure, but this training can be misused for personal gains. This needs initiative from three levels: 1) government to make the self defense mandatory in schools, 2) the students who learn the self defense should serve the rural areas where there are no colleges, and 3) community meetings that need to bring the deeply hidden courage of women, especially rural, out so that they can protect themselves in extreme cases. What do You think? Can it be implemented as a three tier system. Urban girls may be bold but rural ones need counseling so that they do not suffer in silence. How practical is this? There has to be some way. and this is to be taken bought to the notice of government so that a proper three tier program is built. Doubtful, but may work. What is your opinion? - Sincerely, Arun Kumar M. (Operations) Ph: +91 40 422 16 770 (O) +91 99 598 40 780 (M) mono300.jpg Website: http://dreams-central.com This mail carries the following File Attachments: > From: Shafee Ahmed.Ko [mailto:
1 Stars
Dear Mr.Aravind Yadave,
Good morning
Thank you very very much for your constructive comments. The problem is that we cannot expect police be in every bus. As I have cited in earlier, in Chennai women cops in disguise of passengers were(are?) in watch in vulnarable places, bus stop and also travelling buses and trains only to trap the eve teasers. The rate of eve teasing, rape and picking pockets came down to considerable record. The women cops were(are)strong,sincere in their job tracking the culprits. Inspite of these arrangements,there exists eveteasing and molestations etc in rampant. I suggested that women should develop a strong body language at the very first sight when miscreants propose ill augury. Perhaps it may work. For those to whom I suggested this,report that it works in a wonderful way. It may be an unarmed protective measure. Let them try it.
0 Stars
This is a real sad incident. I remember my school days when I wasn’t even aware why men look at my chest and not my face while talking. And during those days I had to face abuses like these. They have scarred me in a way, but not deterred me at all. I wish and pray no girl born in this country would have to face this, but then its just a wishful thinking.
I read some of the comments about giving protection to women everywhere. But i hardly think its possible. What needs to be done is that if I see a girl going through this I should raise my voice. We people have been trained to be mere spectators if the situation is not happenign to self or a dear one of ours. This attitude needs to be changed.
Even when I was 14 and faced the exact same abuse, I was wise enough to carry a PUSH PIN and poke it onto any guy trying to come to close. This surely makes me laugh now....
2 Stars
yes, the right way to fight these incidents is to speak about it....many women consider it disgraceful to reveal, might be because of their family compulsions...but, shivangi, Hats off to your courage...If all girls become like you and speak it out loud and clear...the goons will get a message that its always not easy...

Our social mindset about restrictions upon girls should be reformed to fight such evils....
1 Stars
Hi Sherin,
Good afternoon,
Your comments are quite commendable.
Your PUSH PIN has worked out defensively to your plan to keep of men.
Your bold expression that men cast their eyes to the women’s modest part is not unusual. You will wonder even well groomed,learned and QUITE A OLD men also have the same inevitable habits. Men crowd the bus only particular place where female passengers are in occupancy. The perverts take immense pleasure,which is qquite momentary. I have seen some of the women members taking them to task. I have seen the same man in the route of the bus,unrepentantly abusing the womens soft parts,and being kicked,meted with similar experience. This kind of adverse mentality is out sexual perversion known as ”compulsive obsession”. The subject is vast,related PPsychology. I am afraid what age you are. So I restrict my comments only to the relevancy of a girl protecting herself in public gaze. In verse,the holy Quran warns in simple terms. ”Gaze down your eyes;cover your bosoms fully”.Hly Quran no where speaks aabout viel and ”Burqa”. The self defence is the dress code. Though there are frequent incidents of rape and and severe molestation,I am afraid to say this is not every hours incident.Nevertheless,we cannot sleep over the matter. Think of those Sanjay CChopra and Geetha Chopra,and Sarika Sha who lost her life in Chennai in a chain pulling incident. All that I could say that school girls,working women should know psychological methods themselves. Again and again I could say, one should be very stern in the body language. Return very contempt look with the miscreant man that you are strong enough and you will create an aggressive situation.Your should reprehend the situation in a way that in your entire locality you must be known soft to the softest and hardest to the hard.
1 Stars
Hi Priyanka,Good afternoon.
Your thinking coincides with mine.
A grown up girl ought to speak any crucial issue with her parents,elders or the guardians. The major issue concerned is marriage. The modern girl if she has some body with whom she has moved with and analysed every minute detail should speak with open heartedness for a good proposal. Further she has to listen to them also. The crucial issues what Shivangi has spoken is much appreciable.
She has boldly shared this wonderful platfor with thousand of people who have stood for her. Journalism is one that can help positively in many respect. If there is creative,communicative and critical issues,one can expose it through media llike this plat form to express the views. I have written in exhaustively on the subject.
1 Stars
Shivangi Singh
New Delhi, India
@Arun Kumar
Mr.Arun, regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?What i experienced was no doubt very humiliating but this is not the only reason why i chose to share it on a public platform.This is not about one Shivangi been molested it is about hundred of women who are subjected to physical abuse in one form or the other.How do we change this is what i am concerned about.Had i been in a position i could have slapped the bastard right there but it all happened within a fraction of a second or so.

@Sherin Verghese
Thanks for sharing the Push pin idea.Surely the pin will come handy.
1 Stars
Hi Again,

I got this comment in my mail. I am sorry but I am not able to comprehend the line you wrote reg body language. It goes like this: ”regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?”

I am unable to trace anything about body language in any of my posts here... Can you please elaborate?
1 Stars
Shivangi Singh
New Delhi, India
@Shafee Ahmed.Ko : regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?What i experienced was no doubt very humiliating but this is not the only reason why i chose to share it on a public platform.This is not about one Shivangi been molested it is about hundred of women who are subjected to physical abuse in one form or the other.How do we change this is what i am concerned about.Had i been in a position i could have slapped the bastard right there but it all happened within a fraction of a second or so.
1 Stars
Well,it’s really sad.But as you know we girls have become so used to such incidents that now a days it hardly seems a serious issue with us.This in turn enables us to narrate these incidents to others without showing the slightest emotion.
We have become so advanced in all spheres of life.But these medieval practices are perennial.
1 Stars
Usha
Chennai, India
A safety pin or chilli powder kept handy sometimes works wonders in such situations.
1 Stars
The female molestation is not an unrarified act. What I am trying to say is that this act is not going to fade away soon. The act is a very severe crime under eveteasing.Punishment also is also severe. The victim must identify the culprit and hand over to the police. This is obvious one. But how many girls are so bold to bring the offender to the books? It does not mean that the criminal be left free. I already reported that in Chennai,there was a system whereby the women cops were plain clothes and rounded up the culprits from the vulnarable areas. This is one act to control the menace. Otherwise, the female subject should be in a position to confront the situation and overhlm the offender. Some of the writers high lighted that the girls must be trained in some defensive system. This is good idea. Judo,Karathay etc may help. But will a Indian girls be so daring to create scene where the situation will become still worse. I suggested a body language. What is it? Show your anguish by infectious facial expression whereby the miscreant should understand that you are not a gullible. Gesticulate stern action,similar to one that expressed by dumbcharading a message that you would shoe him.
These are simple common sense acts one must be aware of instinctively. Nevertheless,my strong opinion is the concerned authority should pave a way to safe gaurd the modesty of the women in common place;policing is one that will help in a larger way.
1 Stars
Gourhari Panda
cuttack, India
When should the Govt. pass a law providing examplary punishment in public for those pigs who molest/rape a girl?But ofcourse the victim has to gather courage first to protest on the spot.I commesurate with you Shivangi.
0 Stars
Hi Gaurhari, There are already several laws on women rights and protections but seldom are they implemented. The primary reason is the society that prohibits the molested girl from going to the police station. The girl child seems to be bound by as many chains as one can tie her up with. Not even her family members will support, should she decide to go to the police and report the matter. And even if an FIR is lodged, the police will not be very interested in such cases as they have become a trend in the Indian culture. This is another reason why the victims shies away from reporting. And suppose the matter goes to court and the guilt is proved, what is the punishment metted out? Six to 2 years plus a paltry amount as fine? Believe me, this discussion will not lead us anywhere unless the top governing officials interfere with real interest instead of the fake ones they display to get their pic on the main page of a newspaper. If the punishment was something very hard like a 14 years imprisonment and a few lakhs compensation to the victim, will people dare to attack any other girl? With the current type of punishment rules, it seems more as if they are paying a license fee to go out and molest another girl child. Pathetic.. - Sincerely, Arun Kumar M. (Operations) Ph: +91 40 422 16 770 (O) +91 99 598 40 780 (M) mono300.jpg Website: http://dreams-central.com This mail carries the following File Attachments: > From: Gourhari Panda [mailto:
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