
Even as I write this blog, there are at least hundred of thoughts crossing my mind. Is it something that shouldn’t come out in the open sphere? Is it too personal? I guess what i m going to write here is all this, perhaps even more and yet i want to share it...
Today was just like any other day in the office except that too many complements came my way for what I had wore: a satin shirt and jeans. I took some complements in the right spirit and a few others were not meant to be taken in that way owing to their nature. While coming back home I was a bit upset for I had an argument with a senior. But yea it was all normal, part of life, usual stuff as I call it.
Traveling in bus has never been a problem with me. Bus ride is something I am used to right from school days. It was around 8pm at the LaxmI Nagar bus stop. I was waiting to catch a bus. I saw Bus no.469 coming and I knew I wanted to catch this one. I was waiting for a few passengers to get down from the bus but when I saw no one coming out I decided to get Into It.
The sight was familiar, a bunch of guys standing right at the bus gate, what was however unusual was the fact that as soon as I was in, those guys started “aree madam hame utarne nahI de rahi”. A mob of 5-6 guys they were rushing to get down from the bus. I was horrified to see a finger right at my breast, before I could have realized what was happening to me I was in a defensive mode.
I guess, I had got it by then, It was a case of molestation In plain and simple words. The guy wasn’t satisfied with what he had done to me, before getting down he pinched my butt. How did I feel? To say the least, it was disgusting, a horrible experience. How much time did I spend thinking about It? I know It will be with me forever, It Is not something I will treasure, It is something I will remember. It will remind me of a lot of things lIke all the futile debate over Man Woman equalIty, 60 long years of Independence, blah blah...
Truly speaking I don’t feel bad about It, while narrating this Incident to my sisters I was laughing. Laugh, was It the suitable expression? For me it was. I could not have done anything to stop It. Yea yea I could have tried to catch the bastard. The problem with me is that I don’t think molestation has that simple an answer. What one needs is an attitudinal shift In the society to prevent such Incidents.
Some Crucial statistics I need here to make my point clear:
There has been a phenomenal eight-fold Increase In the number of rapes committed In India since 1971, the year from which data for rape cases has been collected by the National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB).
Now how I feel? Am I lucky for I was only molested and not raped? The language I have used is quite casual I believe but you cannot blame me, If someone has to be blamed It has to be the casual approach we have towards crime against women.
It was temporary sense of disbelief I felt when it happened to me but in my heart I know I don’t expect anything other than this from a few male chauvinist pigs.
The Incident hasn’t made me any less of a woman, such Incidents notwithstanding ,I love being a woman and will continue doing so for the rest of my life.
It is really brave of you that you said this so objectively. Otherwise, women just don’t report such instances giving more motivation to the criminals to keep on continuing with such crimes.
but then, this is not the solution to the problem. i was lucky enough to escape but all the girls are not. will men ever change????
Men will change.. Not all are same too. AND MEN WILL CHANGE ONLY IF YOU AND THE ENTIRE WOMENHOOD CHANGES. Instead of sulking, WHY DONT YOU HIT BACK? Why DO YOU CARE FOR THE SOCIETY? WHY DO YOU COMPENSATE ON YOUR FREEDOM FOR THE SAKE OF SOME STUPID SOCIETY THAT HAS NO BASE AT ALL?
TRUST ME, SUCH PEOPLE WILL CHANGE ONLY AND ONLY IF YOU PEOPLE CHANGE... STOP SUFFERING n SULKING.... HIT BACK.. HIT BACK THEN N THERE...
Nobody can blame you if you are not wrong. I HAVE BEEN PROTESTING AND TRYING TO EDUCATE WOMEN TO UPLIFT THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR A MIRACLE...
>
How can such creatures face their moms back home?
This is what I am trying to convey for the past many years. HIT THEM, HIT THEM THERE AND THEN.
HIT THEM SO HARD THAT THEY DO NOT GET THE COURAGE TO TOUCH ANOTHER GIRL.
Its all in the lady’s hand to respect herself. Why feel weak and helpless? THERE IS NO GOVT AS SUCH. POLICE IS FOR NAMESAKE. UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES, IT IS ONLY THE GIRL UNDER QUESTION WHO HAS TO TAKE THE INTITATIVE, NOT ONLY FOR SELF BUT THE WHOLE WOMENHOOD.
Best Regards,
Arun Kumar M.
DreamSkape India ®
”It is all about our DreamZ”
http://dreams-central.com
Mail: support@dreams-central.com; dreamskape.india@gmail.com
****
#Signed: Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 8:04:36 AM IST
and for the offenders, remember that your sister/mother might be traveling in the same bus one day and you know there are thousands like you traveling along side them.
Such incidents are happening in Mumbai also,which earlier was comparably a safe city for the women.
A nationwide campaign is needed to stop such incidents.
The people should not just keep a look out for themselves, if all the people have a general look out, then these bastards would not even dare to use their hands as much as they’d like to.
Even if it is someone that you don’t know, all you need to do is shout out to the pervert. The realisation that people are watching is a very big deterrant. I’m sure such incidents would reduce if people start acting more bravely.
This is not hatred or downplaying women. But I have been asking women in modern India to HIT BACK, THEN AND THERE... Whenever they feel that they have been downplayed. BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT STOPS THEM, MAKES THEM THINK ABOUT CONSEQUENCES...
You and me cannot solve this problem until and unless the ladies who suffered any kind of gender bias or molestation come forward. I am tired of repeatting the same thing again and again... HIT BACK W/O THINKING IF YOU ARE NOT WRONG... Nobody can go against you if you are right... BUT STILL????
Fight back the moment you are downplayed. Molestation, you say. I appreciate your courage to write it down. But why did you not drag him by his hair into the bus and kicked his ass then and there?
Nobody would have gone against you. It feels very depressing that Indian women, once at highly praiseworthy level have bought down to this low.
And the sole reason is that they opt to suffer owing to their false prestige (forgive me for the rude words). But if you had acted there and then, you would have been tension free for the rest of your day. I wrote several peices, passed it round and round, but could not get even one lady changed. WHY SHUD U SUFFER? IS THE PLANET NOT FOR YOU TOO? ARE THE FACILITIES NOT FOR YOU EQUALLY?
For the sake of ladies that made history, I ask all women to stop thinking ”what will happen if they react”. At most they will be questioned... If you are right, you have the answers.. Then why are you afraid, and of whom.
KICK BACK .... FIGHT BACK for any kind of partiality shown, not only for molestation and rapes, but for anything that makes you thing that you were subject of partiality.
I Do Not Know How to Explain.. But FIGHTING BACK IS THE ONLY WAY TO SNATCH THE RESPECT YOU COMMANDED IN THE INDIAN HISTORY...
This is really dis-heartening... How long will you suffer? If you (women) are waiting for any messiah to come for upliftment of women, forget it.. Nobody has that much time these days... IT IS YOU WHO HAVE TO ACT.. WITHOUT MUCH PONDERING WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEING DONE IS WRONG...
Sincerely,
Arun Kumar M.
DreamSkape India ®
”It is all about our DreamZ”
http://dreams-central.com
Mail: support@dreams-central.com; dreamskape.india@gmail.com
****
#Signed: Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 4:00:53 AM IST
The best thing you have done is that you have exposed the whole event in writing,giving details inculding the bus number etc. Perhaps this could lead the authorities to note and make the areas under proper surveil-
lance.
What best I feel,being a freelance journalist,you should become a member in journalist club,union or association, with the presentation of your papers. You will avail an identity card with your photo attested. You can tag it always at you neck in a crowded place indicating you are V.I.P. Under the norms of the Journalist,you are also protected the by Journalists’ Union Crisis Management Cell. You may interview any V.I.P with this identity card or take help with any department.
Many girls and women experience the similar orgies similar to one what you have experienced. Nevertheless,they never expose to proper authorities but maintain silence out of modesty.
In Chennai Plain Clothed Lady Slueths are deployed in every vulnarable place,feigning college or school goers.
This is high time the Capital of India lacks such policing.
Be bold Shivangi,the weaker sex is aways vied and cast with vicious look.
Some time milder body language will lead the miscreants for bad attempts. A sterner body language without any verbal dual some time helps.
Perhaps you must be undergoing mental trauma. Please relax. Time is the best curer.
Really it can be stop once the police and public will be aware. really in most of the places even a person is traveling he may face probelm becouse of the over aggrressiveness.
some time Bus driver and conductor are behaing in the same way. why not government are issueing the licence to the Conductor and Bus driver on the basis of the there work.
some time we used to observe the same thing some of the girl when they are catching the bus that time they try to over smart and over intract with bus driver and conductor it creates the bad image of the m,ost of the girl.
there are alot of things which we have to change and try to self defencive rather than depend on other...
Good morning
Thank you very very much for your constructive comments. The problem is that we cannot expect police be in every bus. As I have cited in earlier, in Chennai women cops in disguise of passengers were(are?) in watch in vulnarable places, bus stop and also travelling buses and trains only to trap the eve teasers. The rate of eve teasing, rape and picking pockets came down to considerable record. The women cops were(are)strong,sincere in their job tracking the culprits. Inspite of these arrangements,there exists eveteasing and molestations etc in rampant. I suggested that women should develop a strong body language at the very first sight when miscreants propose ill augury. Perhaps it may work. For those to whom I suggested this,report that it works in a wonderful way. It may be an unarmed protective measure. Let them try it.
I read some of the comments about giving protection to women everywhere. But i hardly think its possible. What needs to be done is that if I see a girl going through this I should raise my voice. We people have been trained to be mere spectators if the situation is not happenign to self or a dear one of ours. This attitude needs to be changed.
Even when I was 14 and faced the exact same abuse, I was wise enough to carry a PUSH PIN and poke it onto any guy trying to come to close. This surely makes me laugh now....
Our social mindset about restrictions upon girls should be reformed to fight such evils....
Good afternoon,
Your comments are quite commendable.
Your PUSH PIN has worked out defensively to your plan to keep of men.
Your bold expression that men cast their eyes to the women’s modest part is not unusual. You will wonder even well groomed,learned and QUITE A OLD men also have the same inevitable habits. Men crowd the bus only particular place where female passengers are in occupancy. The perverts take immense pleasure,which is qquite momentary. I have seen some of the women members taking them to task. I have seen the same man in the route of the bus,unrepentantly abusing the womens soft parts,and being kicked,meted with similar experience. This kind of adverse mentality is out sexual perversion known as ”compulsive obsession”. The subject is vast,related PPsychology. I am afraid what age you are. So I restrict my comments only to the relevancy of a girl protecting herself in public gaze. In verse,the holy Quran warns in simple terms. ”Gaze down your eyes;cover your bosoms fully”.Hly Quran no where speaks aabout viel and ”Burqa”. The self defence is the dress code. Though there are frequent incidents of rape and and severe molestation,I am afraid to say this is not every hours incident.Nevertheless,we cannot sleep over the matter. Think of those Sanjay CChopra and Geetha Chopra,and Sarika Sha who lost her life in Chennai in a chain pulling incident. All that I could say that school girls,working women should know psychological methods themselves. Again and again I could say, one should be very stern in the body language. Return very contempt look with the miscreant man that you are strong enough and you will create an aggressive situation.Your should reprehend the situation in a way that in your entire locality you must be known soft to the softest and hardest to the hard.
Your thinking coincides with mine.
A grown up girl ought to speak any crucial issue with her parents,elders or the guardians. The major issue concerned is marriage. The modern girl if she has some body with whom she has moved with and analysed every minute detail should speak with open heartedness for a good proposal. Further she has to listen to them also. The crucial issues what Shivangi has spoken is much appreciable.
She has boldly shared this wonderful platfor with thousand of people who have stood for her. Journalism is one that can help positively in many respect. If there is creative,communicative and critical issues,one can expose it through media llike this plat form to express the views. I have written in exhaustively on the subject.
Mr.Arun, regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?What i experienced was no doubt very humiliating but this is not the only reason why i chose to share it on a public platform.This is not about one Shivangi been molested it is about hundred of women who are subjected to physical abuse in one form or the other.How do we change this is what i am concerned about.Had i been in a position i could have slapped the bastard right there but it all happened within a fraction of a second or so.
@Sherin Verghese
Thanks for sharing the Push pin idea.Surely the pin will come handy.
I got this comment in my mail. I am sorry but I am not able to comprehend the line you wrote reg body language. It goes like this: ”regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?”
I am unable to trace anything about body language in any of my posts here... Can you please elaborate?
We have become so advanced in all spheres of life.But these medieval practices are perennial.
These are simple common sense acts one must be aware of instinctively. Nevertheless,my strong opinion is the concerned authority should pave a way to safe gaurd the modesty of the women in common place;policing is one that will help in a larger way.
Local Opinions (33)
It is really brave of you that you said this so objectively. Otherwise, women just don’t report such instances giving more motivation to the criminals to keep on continuing with such crimes.
but then, this is not the solution to the problem. i was lucky enough to escape but all the girls are not. will men ever change????
How can such creatures face their moms back home?
and for the offenders, remember that your sister/mother might be traveling in the same bus one day and you know there are thousands like you traveling along side them.
Such incidents are happening in Mumbai also,which earlier was comparably a safe city for the women.
A nationwide campaign is needed to stop such incidents.
The people should not just keep a look out for themselves, if all the people have a general look out, then these bastards would not even dare to use their hands as much as they’d like to.
Even if it is someone that you don’t know, all you need to do is shout out to the pervert. The realisation that people are watching is a very big deterrant. I’m sure such incidents would reduce if people start acting more bravely.
Fight back the moment you are downplayed. Molestation, you say. I appreciate your courage to write it down. But why did you not drag him by his hair into the bus and kicked his ass then and there?
Nobody would have gone against you. It feels very depressing that Indian women, once at highly praiseworthy level have bought down to this low.
And the sole reason is that they opt to suffer owing to their false prestige (forgive me for the rude words). But if you had acted there and then, you would have been tension free for the rest of your day. I wrote several peices, passed it round and round, but could not get even one lady changed. WHY SHUD U SUFFER? IS THE PLANET NOT FOR YOU TOO? ARE THE FACILITIES NOT FOR YOU EQUALLY?
For the sake of ladies that made history, I ask all women to stop thinking ”what will happen if they react”. At most they will be questioned... If you are right, you have the answers.. Then why are you afraid, and of whom.
KICK BACK .... FIGHT BACK for any kind of partiality shown, not only for molestation and rapes, but for anything that makes you thing that you were subject of partiality.
I Do Not Know How to Explain.. But FIGHTING BACK IS THE ONLY WAY TO SNATCH THE RESPECT YOU COMMANDED IN THE INDIAN HISTORY...
This is really dis-heartening... How long will you suffer? If you (women) are waiting for any messiah to come for upliftment of women, forget it.. Nobody has that much time these days... IT IS YOU WHO HAVE TO ACT.. WITHOUT MUCH PONDERING WHEN YOU KNOW WHAT IS BEING DONE IS WRONG...
Sincerely,
Arun Kumar M.
DreamSkape India ®
”It is all about our DreamZ”
http://dreams-central.com
Mail: support@dreams-central.com; dreamskape.india@gmail.com
****
#Signed: Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 4:00:53 AM IST
This is not hatred or downplaying women. But I have been asking women in modern India to HIT BACK, THEN AND THERE... Whenever they feel that they have been downplayed. BUT I CANNOT UNDERSTAND WHAT STOPS THEM, MAKES THEM THINK ABOUT CONSEQUENCES...
You and me cannot solve this problem until and unless the ladies who suffered any kind of gender bias or molestation come forward. I am tired of repeatting the same thing again and again... HIT BACK W/O THINKING IF YOU ARE NOT WRONG... Nobody can go against you if you are right... BUT STILL????
Men will change.. Not all are same too. AND MEN WILL CHANGE ONLY IF YOU AND THE ENTIRE WOMENHOOD CHANGES. Instead of sulking, WHY DONT YOU HIT BACK? Why DO YOU CARE FOR THE SOCIETY? WHY DO YOU COMPENSATE ON YOUR FREEDOM FOR THE SAKE OF SOME STUPID SOCIETY THAT HAS NO BASE AT ALL?
TRUST ME, SUCH PEOPLE WILL CHANGE ONLY AND ONLY IF YOU PEOPLE CHANGE... STOP SUFFERING n SULKING.... HIT BACK.. HIT BACK THEN N THERE...
Nobody can blame you if you are not wrong. I HAVE BEEN PROTESTING AND TRYING TO EDUCATE WOMEN TO UPLIFT THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF WAITING FOR A MIRACLE...
>
This is what I am trying to convey for the past many years. HIT THEM, HIT THEM THERE AND THEN.
HIT THEM SO HARD THAT THEY DO NOT GET THE COURAGE TO TOUCH ANOTHER GIRL.
Its all in the lady’s hand to respect herself. Why feel weak and helpless? THERE IS NO GOVT AS SUCH. POLICE IS FOR NAMESAKE. UNDER SUCH CIRCUMSTANCES, IT IS ONLY THE GIRL UNDER QUESTION WHO HAS TO TAKE THE INTITATIVE, NOT ONLY FOR SELF BUT THE WHOLE WOMENHOOD.
Best Regards,
Arun Kumar M.
DreamSkape India ®
”It is all about our DreamZ”
http://dreams-central.com
Mail: support@dreams-central.com; dreamskape.india@gmail.com
****
#Signed: Wednesday, March 18, 2009, 8:04:36 AM IST
The best thing you have done is that you have exposed the whole event in writing,giving details inculding the bus number etc. Perhaps this could lead the authorities to note and make the areas under proper surveil-
lance.
What best I feel,being a freelance journalist,you should become a member in journalist club,union or association, with the presentation of your papers. You will avail an identity card with your photo attested. You can tag it always at you neck in a crowded place indicating you are V.I.P. Under the norms of the Journalist,you are also protected the by Journalists’ Union Crisis Management Cell. You may interview any V.I.P with this identity card or take help with any department.
Many girls and women experience the similar orgies similar to one what you have experienced. Nevertheless,they never expose to proper authorities but maintain silence out of modesty.
In Chennai Plain Clothed Lady Slueths are deployed in every vulnarable place,feigning college or school goers.
This is high time the Capital of India lacks such policing.
Be bold Shivangi,the weaker sex is aways vied and cast with vicious look.
Some time milder body language will lead the miscreants for bad attempts. A sterner body language without any verbal dual some time helps.
Perhaps you must be undergoing mental trauma. Please relax. Time is the best curer.
Good morning
Thank you very very much for your constructive comments. The problem is that we cannot expect police be in every bus. As I have cited in earlier, in Chennai women cops in disguise of passengers were(are?) in watch in vulnarable places, bus stop and also travelling buses and trains only to trap the eve teasers. The rate of eve teasing, rape and picking pockets came down to considerable record. The women cops were(are)strong,sincere in their job tracking the culprits. Inspite of these arrangements,there exists eveteasing and molestations etc in rampant. I suggested that women should develop a strong body language at the very first sight when miscreants propose ill augury. Perhaps it may work. For those to whom I suggested this,report that it works in a wonderful way. It may be an unarmed protective measure. Let them try it.
I read some of the comments about giving protection to women everywhere. But i hardly think its possible. What needs to be done is that if I see a girl going through this I should raise my voice. We people have been trained to be mere spectators if the situation is not happenign to self or a dear one of ours. This attitude needs to be changed.
Even when I was 14 and faced the exact same abuse, I was wise enough to carry a PUSH PIN and poke it onto any guy trying to come to close. This surely makes me laugh now....
Our social mindset about restrictions upon girls should be reformed to fight such evils....
Good afternoon,
Your comments are quite commendable.
Your PUSH PIN has worked out defensively to your plan to keep of men.
Your bold expression that men cast their eyes to the women’s modest part is not unusual. You will wonder even well groomed,learned and QUITE A OLD men also have the same inevitable habits. Men crowd the bus only particular place where female passengers are in occupancy. The perverts take immense pleasure,which is qquite momentary. I have seen some of the women members taking them to task. I have seen the same man in the route of the bus,unrepentantly abusing the womens soft parts,and being kicked,meted with similar experience. This kind of adverse mentality is out sexual perversion known as ”compulsive obsession”. The subject is vast,related PPsychology. I am afraid what age you are. So I restrict my comments only to the relevancy of a girl protecting herself in public gaze. In verse,the holy Quran warns in simple terms. ”Gaze down your eyes;cover your bosoms fully”.Hly Quran no where speaks aabout viel and ”Burqa”. The self defence is the dress code. Though there are frequent incidents of rape and and severe molestation,I am afraid to say this is not every hours incident.Nevertheless,we cannot sleep over the matter. Think of those Sanjay CChopra and Geetha Chopra,and Sarika Sha who lost her life in Chennai in a chain pulling incident. All that I could say that school girls,working women should know psychological methods themselves. Again and again I could say, one should be very stern in the body language. Return very contempt look with the miscreant man that you are strong enough and you will create an aggressive situation.Your should reprehend the situation in a way that in your entire locality you must be known soft to the softest and hardest to the hard.
Your thinking coincides with mine.
A grown up girl ought to speak any crucial issue with her parents,elders or the guardians. The major issue concerned is marriage. The modern girl if she has some body with whom she has moved with and analysed every minute detail should speak with open heartedness for a good proposal. Further she has to listen to them also. The crucial issues what Shivangi has spoken is much appreciable.
She has boldly shared this wonderful platfor with thousand of people who have stood for her. Journalism is one that can help positively in many respect. If there is creative,communicative and critical issues,one can expose it through media llike this plat form to express the views. I have written in exhaustively on the subject.
Mr.Arun, regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?What i experienced was no doubt very humiliating but this is not the only reason why i chose to share it on a public platform.This is not about one Shivangi been molested it is about hundred of women who are subjected to physical abuse in one form or the other.How do we change this is what i am concerned about.Had i been in a position i could have slapped the bastard right there but it all happened within a fraction of a second or so.
@Sherin Verghese
Thanks for sharing the Push pin idea.Surely the pin will come handy.
I got this comment in my mail. I am sorry but I am not able to comprehend the line you wrote reg body language. It goes like this: ”regarding your body language remark ,this is not about whether or not women have a strict body language,the point here is how can one change the way men look at women?”
I am unable to trace anything about body language in any of my posts here... Can you please elaborate?
We have become so advanced in all spheres of life.But these medieval practices are perennial.
These are simple common sense acts one must be aware of instinctively. Nevertheless,my strong opinion is the concerned authority should pave a way to safe gaurd the modesty of the women in common place;policing is one that will help in a larger way.
Global Opinions (1)
Really it can be stop once the police and public will be aware. really in most of the places even a person is traveling he may face probelm becouse of the over aggrressiveness.
some time Bus driver and conductor are behaing in the same way. why not government are issueing the licence to the Conductor and Bus driver on the basis of the there work.
some time we used to observe the same thing some of the girl when they are catching the bus that time they try to over smart and over intract with bus driver and conductor it creates the bad image of the m,ost of the girl.
there are alot of things which we have to change and try to self defencive rather than depend on other...
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